A Tutorial on “Wokeness” for Old White Men (3)

McGrath-Doyle

What’s this? It turns out that Titania McGrath (left) is really Andrew Doyle (right).  Or maybe to us newly woke it’s not that simple.

Putting My New Wokeness into Practice

Ok, so to you poor sleeping old white men out there the discovery that our woke guru isn’t actually:

“a radical intersectionalist poet committed to feminism, social justice, and armed peaceful protest. A regular on the live-slam poetry scene, Titania regularly performs at arts festivals, deconsecrated churches, and genderqueer spiritual retreats.”

but is rather:

the satirical invention of Andrew Doyle, a former Oxford postgraduate student

completely discredits “her” guidance.

But, now that I’m hip to woke I don’t see why anything should change.  After all, I can choose “my truth” to be that Andrew Doyle actually identifies as a woke gay white woman.  Therefore (s)he is no less a credible source for politically correct guidance than is anyone else!  After all, we all know that gender is just a social construct and that words have no fixed meaning.  So, what does it even mean that Andrew Doyle is a “man” or that he(?) meant Titania to be a “satirical invention?”  I choose to believe that Titania is just Andrew’s true self fighting to become free of all gender-normative, heterocentric, and racial constraints.  You go Titania!

And so, I hereby claim that I’m far more woke than the drowsy old rags who took exception to Titania’s brilliance:

The absolutely brilliant thing about Titania McGrath, as the world just discovered last month, is that she is really the satirical invention of Andrew Doyle, a former Oxford postgraduate student and clearly a very clever man. The Guardian, the New Statesman, and other woke publications don’t think so. “Lampooning the language of social justice is a cheap shot,” according to The Guardian. The New Statesman, now that Titania (Queen of the Fairies in A Midsummer Night’s Dream) has unmasked himself as Andrew, concludes that his performance is a “tired and unfunny ‘joke’ ” that is “just the old sneering at the young.”

Oh, that’s all so January 2019!  As Titania would say, “keep up!”

If we allow “facts,” “logic” and “word definitions” to hold us back then we’ll exclude Titania’s excellent guidance from the public sphere.  Hey, that wouldn’t be inclusive!

So, in parting, as I walk fully conscious into the 21st century utopia, I leave you with these final words of wisdom from my woke guru Titania.

“I despise whiteness. Literally nothing about me is white except for my skin colour.”

“You’ll notice there’s not a single obese player in the England football team. This kind of discrimination is precisely why the fat acceptance movement is so essential.”

“Wearing a maga hat is a form of incitement to violence. So if someone punches you in the face for wearing one, that’s your fault.”

“Whenever anyone says that women aren’t funny, I take it as a compliment. Humour is a patriarchal construct.”

This woke (and loving it!)  author would like to apologize if they unintentionally upheld the patriarchal construct by causing any reader to laugh.

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