A Tutorial on “Wokeness” for Old White Men (3)

McGrath-Doyle

What’s this? It turns out that Titania McGrath (left) is really Andrew Doyle (right).  Or maybe to us newly woke it’s not that simple.

Putting My New Wokeness into Practice

Ok, so to you poor sleeping old white men out there the discovery that our woke guru isn’t actually:

“a radical intersectionalist poet committed to feminism, social justice, and armed peaceful protest. A regular on the live-slam poetry scene, Titania regularly performs at arts festivals, deconsecrated churches, and genderqueer spiritual retreats.”

but is rather:

the satirical invention of Andrew Doyle, a former Oxford postgraduate student

completely discredits “her” guidance.

But, now that I’m hip to woke I don’t see why anything should change.  After all, I can choose “my truth” to be that Andrew Doyle actually identifies as a woke gay white woman.  Therefore (s)he is no less a credible source for politically correct guidance than is anyone else!  After all, we all know that gender is just a social construct and that words have no fixed meaning.  So, what does it even mean that Andrew Doyle is a “man” or that he(?) meant Titania to be a “satirical invention?”  I choose to believe that Titania is just Andrew’s true self fighting to become free of all gender-normative, heterocentric, and racial constraints.  You go Titania!

And so, I hereby claim that I’m far more woke than the drowsy old rags who took exception to Titania’s brilliance:

The absolutely brilliant thing about Titania McGrath, as the world just discovered last month, is that she is really the satirical invention of Andrew Doyle, a former Oxford postgraduate student and clearly a very clever man. The Guardian, the New Statesman, and other woke publications don’t think so. “Lampooning the language of social justice is a cheap shot,” according to The Guardian. The New Statesman, now that Titania (Queen of the Fairies in A Midsummer Night’s Dream) has unmasked himself as Andrew, concludes that his performance is a “tired and unfunny ‘joke’ ” that is “just the old sneering at the young.”

Oh, that’s all so January 2019!  As Titania would say, “keep up!”

If we allow “facts,” “logic” and “word definitions” to hold us back then we’ll exclude Titania’s excellent guidance from the public sphere.  Hey, that wouldn’t be inclusive!

So, in parting, as I walk fully conscious into the 21st century utopia, I leave you with these final words of wisdom from my woke guru Titania.

“I despise whiteness. Literally nothing about me is white except for my skin colour.”

“You’ll notice there’s not a single obese player in the England football team. This kind of discrimination is precisely why the fat acceptance movement is so essential.”

“Wearing a maga hat is a form of incitement to violence. So if someone punches you in the face for wearing one, that’s your fault.”

“Whenever anyone says that women aren’t funny, I take it as a compliment. Humour is a patriarchal construct.”

This woke (and loving it!)  author would like to apologize if they unintentionally upheld the patriarchal construct by causing any reader to laugh.

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A Tutorial on “Wokeness” for Old White Men (2)

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How “woke” is our guru…this woke! “Men who are attracted to women clearly have feminine tastes and are therefore probably gay.” AND “It is absolutely essential that we believe Jussie Smollett. If we don’t, other people who haven’t been attacked might not have the courage to come forward.”

Titania McGrath: Our Woke Guru

Mcgrath-Side-1We old, white, unwoke men need a reliably woke guru to lead us into 21st century wisdom. The problem is that we are so stuck in ancient 20th century superstition that it’s almost impossible to wake up to all the new truth that’s been generated while we were slumbering.
I’m therefore so very thankful to have discovered Titania McGrath, who is the most woke Twitter personality of all time! As you can see for yourselves, McGrath has a gift for distilling the deepest truths of wokeness into pithy sayings that fit into things called “Tweets.” As near as I can tell “Tweets” are the 21st century equivalent of Homer’s Odyssey, Shakespeare’s Hamlet, the King James Bible. and Solzhenitsyn’s The Gulag Archipelago, Yes, you have to string lots of them together, but when done properly what emerges is each Tweeter’s truth disclosed in beauty and wisdom.  In fact, if Twitter would automatically add chapter and verse to each Tweet then every Tweeter could build their own personal Bible!  “My truth” in Tweet Scripture!
I simply didn’t realize that in the 21st century diversity means conformity, heterosexuality is evil (and unnecessary for humanity’s future!) and a man can rape a woman he’s never met!

Mcgrath-Side-2Once the easy concepts are understood the deeper truths of wokeness become a snap to grasp. For example, you can be simultaneously superior and oppressed without feeling any sense of nagging logical contradiction! I’ve also struggled for decades trying to understand why Socialism isn’t rejected by the supposedly educated only to finally have it beautifully explained by Titania!
What a wonderful, freeing feeling to realize that you no longer are tied down by “facts” and “logic” when deciding what’s good and true! In fact, it’s not just unnecessary, it’s absolutely evil to be bound by “facts” and “logic.”
By this transformational paradigm we can cease being old white men and start identifying as something else that’s cool, I mean woke…sorry for the brief slip.
Now that we have achieved wokeness it’s critical to understand that it’s a big job keeping up with the fast-evolving nature of this mental state. For example, what was “woke” yesterday might be “problematical” today and “pure evil” tomorrow. Therefore you’ll need to exercise those mental gymnastic muscles regularly. One good way to do this is by calling out the less woke among us. Following are Twitter engagements by our master guru that show how it’s done. Enjoy!

McGrath-Wide-1Once you’ve tied their pathetic evil arguments to Nazi Germany or Hitler they’re finished!

McGrath-Wide-2If words can mean anything you please then defeat is impossible!

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See how fast moving is the woke world!  What delivered plenty and comfort in the 20th century is now nonsense.

By the way, it turns out that the McGrath character isn’t necessarily what she seems on the surface. But I, the new woke person, will use all that she’s taught me to turn apparent (by logic that is) defeat into glorious woke victory!

A Tutorial on “Wokeness” for Old White Men (1)

old-man-humor-fail

If you feel that, in some inexplicable but deep way, this is the universe trying to communicate something then this blog series is definitely for you!

Introduction

I don’t know about you, but I’m beginning to sense that I’m not quite in sync with the 21st century.  Something just seems a bit “off” when I try to engage with  the younger generation of political activists.

I do take great comfort in knowing that even old white men from the “cool kids” party are having problems in this respect.

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Oh no! A major “woke fail” by a Democratic politician!

For example, take Democratic ex-Colorado Governor John Hickenlooper.  He’s old, he’s white and he’s male, so how to communicate his wokeness to the younger generation?  How about showing just how transgressive you are by admitting to taking your mother to the 1970’s porno break-out movie Deep Throat?

OK, that didn’t go over so well.  But he was given a golden opportunity to redeem himself when a CNN reporter pitched him a softball question on choosing a woman for a running

Screen Shot 2019-03-23 at 10.24.43 AM

Our woke betters pass judgement!

mate.  This poor old white man answered “Of course,” but then couldn’t stop himself from taking a dig at the woken army by a feeble attempt to turn the tables. “Well, I’ll ask you another question,” he said. “But how come we’re not asking, more often, the women, ‘Would you be willing to put a man on the ticket?’”  Oh boy, to imagine that you as a privileged old white guy have something to teach the woke generation is a monumental, campaign ending fail!

Now, some of you old white guys reading this may be thinking “Yea, that Hickenlooper guy may have screwed up, but me, I’m too hip to fail.” That may possibly be true (however the fact that you thought “hip” should give you great pause).  As for me, after spending the past 15 or so years saying things that to one group led to laughter and fun but to another pained perplexity if not outright disgust I finally focused my considerable powers of discernment on the simple question of why.  The the shocking answer is that at least 20 years of living separates the former from the latter group.

This epiphany led directly to a second question.  Given that surely there is a large population of old white guys out there who lack my incisive social sensitivity and deep self-awareness, how can they determine if they are unwoke like me?  After great intellectual struggle I concluded that the following is a reliable test.

GreenNewDeal01

My reaction was 1, 2, and 3.

Step 1: Read (or reread) this sentence from the original “Green New Deal,” FAQ, co-sponsored by Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.) and Sen. Edward Markey (D-Mass.).

We set a goal to get to net-zero, rather than zero emissions, in 10 years because we aren’t sure that we’ll be able to fully get rid of farting cows and airplanes that fast.

Step 2: Determine if at least one of the following reactions occurred:

  1. You went into an uncontrollable spasm of intense belly-laughter that lasted at least 90 seconds, followed by a brief moment of breath-catching and then back to belly-laughter.
  2. An icy, dreadful fear gripped your heart at the thought that a sentence of such monumental, blithering stupidity could have been composed by the offices of a U.S. Representative and Senator and then released to the public.
  3. You experienced an irresistible compulsion to send this sentence to everyone in your social sphere accompanied by sophisticated commentary such as 😜.

If you answered “yes” for a reaction similar to even one of these three then you, sir, are an unwoke old white man!  If two or more of these reactions occurred then please seek psychological help as soon as possible.

So then, if you like me have come to the terrible realization that you are an unwoke old white guy living in a wondrous new woke century, then what to do?  Fortunately I have found a wise guru who can lead us into the blazing sunlight of 21st century wokeness.   Stay tuned!

Making Sense of Progressive Nonsense (6)

North Korea Edition

The promised Progressive future is (NOT) bright!

IMG_0040

This is not satire, it’s making a serious point.  Progressives, please try to think about it.

It’s almost impossible to believe, but Representative Ocasio-Cortez is celebrating the loss of 25,000 direct Amazon jobs and all of the ancillary jobs that its headquarter would have created.  Note: “worker exploitation” to a Democratic Socialist is defined as a “private sector job.”

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The following was almost inevitable.

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O.K., I’m willing to still call this satire.  It’s not quite dead yet!

 

Making Sense of Progressive Nonsense (5)

Green-Deal-Great-Leap

This in meant as satire, but is it really?

Environmental Death Cult meets Satire Killed by Reality meets Questions for Socialists meets Intentions vs. Results in the Green New Deal

Alexandria_Ocasio-Cortez_official_high-resolution

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

This an embarrassing, pathetic and dangerous time for our republic.  We have reached the point at which a 29 year-old know-nothing/wrongthing can be elected to Congress who believes that her ideological purity literally enables the fundamental physical transformation of the United States from fossil fuel based to green energy based within 12 years.  The Green New Deal document, released and then pulled yesterday, was pre-supported by most of the Democrat presidential candidates.

Others have provided the necessary assessment of this dingbattery. Following are comments on just a few of the too many cringe-inducing ideas in this document.

  • Ban cars. To be fair, under the GND, everyone will need to retrofit their cars with Flintstones-style foot holes or pedals for cycling. The authors state that the GND would like to replace every “combustion-engine vehicle” — trucks, airplanes, boats, and 99 percent of cars — within ten years. Charging stations for electric vehicles will be built “everywhere,” though how power plants will provide the energy needed to charge them is a mystery.
  • Gut and rebuild every building in America. Markey and Cortez want to “retrofit every building in America” with “state of the art energy efficiency.” I repeat, “every building in America.” That includes every home, factory, and apartment building, which will all need, for starters, to have their entire working heating and cooling systems ripped out and replaced with…well, with whatever technology Democrats are going invent in their committee hearings, I guess.
  • Eliminate air travel. GND calls for building out “highspeed rail at a scale where air travel stops becoming necessary.” Good luck Hawaii! California’s high-speed boondoggle is already in $100 billion dollars of debt, and looks to be one of the state’s biggest fiscal disasters ever. Amtrak runs billions of dollars in the red (though, as we’ll see, trains will also be phased out). Imagine growing that business model out to every state in America?

My personal favorite for absurdity is this (emphasis added):

We set a goal to get to net-zero, rather than zero emissions, in 10 years because we aren’t sure that we’ll be able to fully get rid of farting cows and airplanes that fast.

Strassel-Green-DealBur for sheer infuriation this item may be the tops (emphasis added).

  • Build on FDR’s second bill of rights by guaranteeing: …
    • Economic security for all who are unable or unwilling to work

The fact that this bizarre screed was received with almost universal mockery and disbelief gives me cold comfort.  Yes, I understand that the Green New Deal has exactly zero chance to become law.  However, the following facts bode ill for our future.

  1. Our educational system has delivered people who are simultaneously so ignorant and so confident.
  2. There were enough people in a Congressional district to elect Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to the U.S. House of Representatives.
  3. As stated in the Los Angeles Times: “Equally notable, however, was the list of who signed on — most of the major Democratic presidential candidates in the race so far.”  Thus the supposedly most seasoned and serious Democrat politicians, either by cowardly submission or true-belief, supported this proposal.
  4. Ocasio-Cortez and company wrote and released this document based on their ideological fantasies that by simply believing so completely and having such good intentions they were sure to be right in all that was contained therein.

mazie_hirono_hawaii_aoc_green_new_deal_2_7-19-1-800x489They must have been shocked by the response.  Even a natural ally like Senator Mazie Hirono couldn’t help but point out an obvious logical flaw.  For these reasons Representative Ocasio-Cortez took down the web page that had previously held the Green New Deal FAQ document.

So how do I justify my title?  Here’s how.

Environmental Death Cult

While I’m absolutely sure that it isn’t intended (see below), were the Green New Deal ever actually implemented it would make the Ukrainian Famine caused by the Russian Communists look like a minor event.  Who can doubt that, as reliable, plentiful and affordable fossil fuels are ripped away and “replaced” by unreliable, scarce and prohibitively expensive “green energy,” tens, even hundreds of millions of Americans would die from cold/heat, starvation and social  chaos as the nation’s economy collapsed?

Satire Killed by Reality

I may have to give this topic up.  I simply don’t see how anything else could occur in reality that is so far beyond what could be imagined by the greatest satirical minds (oh please let this be true).  Progressivism has now surely killed satire.

Questions for Socialists

In my series of this name I attempted to force our Socialists to address obvious but unasked questions.  In order to implement the Green New Deal the United States would have to succumb to totalitarian Socialism.  So, here’s my question based on the Green New Deal:

How is it that a political movement that claims to be the vanguard of intellectual and moral thought could generate such an absurd proposal that is so widely supported within the Progressive movement?

Intentions vs. Results

The Green New Deal is a pinnacle of “good intentions” replacing “good results” (see all of the above).  This is the end result of the “participation trophy,” “self-esteem,” and “education by ideology” culture that we have allowed to grow over the past thirty years.  Yes, I blame those among us who have successfully pushed these ideas into our educational system and mass media.

However those of us who knew better but chose to remain silent and passive in the face of this onslaught must also accept responsibility for this situation.  The day is growing late, we must decide if it’s more important to ruffle the feathers of people pushing destructive ideas or protect our nation from the chaos that they would cause.

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A political movement that knows nothing and forgets nothing is highly unlikely to be deterred by an abject failure.  They are true believers in their intellectual and moral superiority, so they can’t ultimately be proven wrong by actual events (e.g., most recently, Socialism in Venezuela).

Stinging Satire from the Babylon Bee (2)

Screen Shot 2018-11-10 at 8.19.23 PMThat’s Not Funny! Hmm…Maybe it Is.

While I was reading one of their “articles” my eye caught this link (see image on right).  Given that my blog is centered on orthodox Reformed theology the “article’s” content hit a bit too close to home for comfort.  To my shock and dismay I initially responded in a manner reminiscent of radical Feminists: flukeR1“That’s not funny!”  But then I thought a bit more and concluded that yes, there are indeed Calvinists who get way too wrapped up in their sense of holding a superior theology.  Heck, chances are that I’ve made people feel that way!

I also recalled a very sobering book titled: Predestination: The American Career of a Contentious Doctrine by Peter J. Thuesen.  It tells the story of how Reformed theologians discredited each other and the doctrine they claimed to love by delving into unknowable details of how it actually works in God’s mind.  Although they all claimed to be Calvinists, they all managed to overlook or ignore his wise advice on this difficult doctrine.

First, then, let them remember that when they inquire into predestination, they penetrate the inmost recesses of Divine wisdom, where the careless and confident intruder will obtain no satisfaction to his curiosity, but will enter a labyrinth from which he will find no way to depart. For it is unreasonable that man should scrutinize with impunity those things which the Lord has determined to be hidden in himself; and investigate, even from eternity, that sublimity of wisdom which God would have us to adore and not comprehend, to promote our admiration of His glory. The secrets of His will which He determined to reveal to us, He discovers in His word; and these are all that He foresaw would concern us or conduce to our advantage.

So, yes, we can take ourselves far too seriously.  It’s not that I doubt that Reformed theology is the closest thing I know to Biblical truth.  Rather, I can’t forget how I am also caught up in the fallen human condition, thus being capable of folly and failure just like everyone else.  One aspect of that humility is recognizing in our critics important aspects of truth, and in our mockers the same, with a bit of humor thrown in for good measure.

Screen Shot 2018-11-10 at 8.46.53 PMIt turns out that the Bee can also make good fun at the expense of Calvinism’s opponent, Arminianism.  The content is hilarious:

Carter calls the bridge a compassionate act of mercy on his part, freely offering everyone the chance to cross the bridge, if they can just muster up enough faith to step on the gas and launch themselves the remaining few hundred feet over the valley.

“We couldn’t go all the way across—that would be violating your free will, not giving you the chance to garner enough faith to cross on your own merits,” he said.

But the final punch line sticks it to us Calvinists again.

A competing Calvinist contractor also opened a bridge downstream: one that crosses the entire river, but isn’t open to the public.

That’s funny!

I’m currently working on an ebook titled God’s Acts of Providence to be published early next year.  It’s a serious and (I hope) compelling explanation and defense of Reformed Theology in the general area of Predestination.  It’s possible that as my finger hovers above the “publish” button I’ll break into a cold sweat wondering if the Bees will notice and respond.  If so, only my utter confidence in God’s providential purposes will give me the strength to press.

Stinging Satire from the Babylon Bee (1)

Screen Shot 2018-11-10 at 5.35.30 AMThese Guys are Pretty Funny!

One of the more subversive Christian sites currently on the Internet is the Babylon Bee.  I was introduced to it via a few secular sites that focus on Conservative / Libertarian politics.  If you are a Progressive of any stripe you’ll likely not appreciate their perspective.  However, you may have to admit that they are pretty creative when it comes to critiquing politics and current events.

Screen Shot 2018-11-10 at 5.50.57 AMTheir primary modus operandi is to take an opponent’s position at face value and then  create overtly “fake news” articles that poke fun at their expense.  As readers of this blog would expect, one of my recent favorites is Progressive Group Launches ‘Center for Advanced Ad Hominems’.  Whereas my method is to seriously demonstrate the existence and destructiveness of this behavior the Bee assumes Progressive ownership of this tactic and then takes it to the logical (but credible?) extreme.  The text is funny, but it’s the accompanying photo that seals the laughter deal.

Screen Shot 2018-11-10 at 6.40.42 AMOne major theme is opposition to Postmodern/Progressive Christianity.  As an orthodox Reformed Christian (i.e., when I vowed as an Elder to be guided by the historic Confessions I knew what they teach and meant it) living in the PCUSA I can’t avoid being regularly smacked upside the head with this theological perspective.  So, when the Bee goes after the ensuing doctrinal and organizational insanity I fully admit to taking (guilty?) pleasure in the results.

An alleged draft of the creed, which was leaked to the press Thursday morning, reads as follows:

“The whole counsel of God, concerning all things necessary for his own glory, man’s salvation, faith, and life, is either expressly set down in our feels, or by good and necessary consequence may be deduced from our feels: unto which nothing at any time is to be added, whether by the Scriptures, church history, or theologians.”

“Thus, things that make us feel bad, those are wrong. The things that give us all the happy feels, those are true, right, and good.”

“At least, that’s how we feel at the moment, I feel,” she noted.

Satire Gold!

Screen Shot 2018-11-10 at 9.44.42 AMAnd, lest you assume that these Bees live in a ideological bubble-hive, I give you this “article” about then candidate Donald Trump.

“‘Has-Been Bible’ says I’m not a Christian, but that is a lie, folks. I am a tremendous Christian—the very best,” Trump assured the nation. “These numerous verses from the Bible—which, by the way, doesn’t even have the courage to address me by name—but these verses that try to paint me as somehow un-Christian, they’re ridiculous and false, and it’s pathetic, really. It’s sad!”

Pressed for comment, the Holy Bible released a one-sentence statement: “You will know them by their fruits.”

But wait!  There’s more…it turns out that the Babylon Bee has waded into the doctrinal debate on salvation.  Can that possibly be funny?  Stay tuned.