The Passing Progressive Parade (1b)

Progressives Abandon Effort to Educate Trump Voters Out of Their Moronic Hatred, Now will Leverage it to Their Advantage (Part 2)

BERKELEY, June 28, 2019 -- by Mack Tool and Patricia Hack

This is Part 2 of a two-part series on the always brilliant Progressive movement’s strategic direction.

After great altruistic effort to educate Trump voters, the Progressive movement has made a radical strategic change in direction.  Multiple current and past members of the Progressive inner-sanctum (who wish to remain anonymous) have revealed this strategy exclusively to Morning Woke.

Having sorrowfully concluded that this voting block is indeed comprised of irredeemable hateful morons, the Progressive movement will from now on seek to hijack and then direct this hate to their political advantage.  The key insight is that, since these voters have virtually nothing but primitive brain-stem mental capability, they can be easily reprogrammed to serve Progressive goals.

The “Canuck Threat” (Phase 1)

Given that Trump voters are inherently xenophobic, the Progressive movement will reorient that hatred from the U.S./Mexican to the U.S./Canadian border.  Hollywood will subsequently begin cranking out movies and shows in which terroristic Canadian villains threaten all that we hold dear in the United States.  The Mainstream Media will simultaneously begin publishing stories about the “Canuck Hordes” that are massing just north of the U.S. border.  Google searches on “illegal immigration” will return links to the Canadian threat and the auto-fill feature will only include Canadian suggestions.  The dim-witted Trump voters in Pennsylvania, Michigan, Ohio and Wisconsin will see images such as the following plastered on bill-boards and mass media sites accompanied with terrifying commentary.


They started by dominating hockey, now they’ve conquered pro basketball, next they’ll invade our nation and destroy our way of life!

Images showing that the Mexican population is distributed in an unthreatening manner will also become prevalent in the mass media.


The nation of Mexico has moved its population far from the border to show that they have no intentions of illegally entering the U.S.!

Finally, an intense propaganda campaign will be launched that claims Trump has been lying to the American people about the real source of danger.


Why would Trump have lied to you about the Canuck Threat?  Because he’s a puppet under the mind control of Vladimir Putin!

By these means Trump voters will become convinced that the real threat is located in Canada and that Trump, as a traitorous Russian puppet, has been lying to them.

Progressive Heroes to the Rescue (Phase 2)

Having convinced Trump voters of the Canuck Threat, the Democrat Presidential Nominee (blessed be Agender/Androgyne/Androgynous/Bigender/Cis/Cis Female/Cis Male/Cis Man/Cis Woman/Cisgender/Cisgender Female/Cisgender Male/Cisgender Man/Cisgender Woman/Female to Male/FTM/Gender Fluid/Gender Nonconforming/Gender Questioning/Gender Variant/Genderqueer/Intersex/Male to Female/MTF/Neither/Neutrois/Non-binary/Other/Pangender/Trans/Trans Female/Trans Male/Trans Man/Trans Person/Trans Woman/Trans*/Trans* Female/Trans* Male/Trans* Man/Trans* Person/Trans* Woman/Transfeminine/Transgender/Transgender Female/Transgender Male/Transgender Man/Transgender Person/Transgender Woman/Transmasculine/Transsexual/Transsexual Female/Transsexual Male/Transsexual Man/Transsexual Person/Transsexual Woman/Two-spirit‘s name) will propose building a massive defensive wall on the U.S./Canada border.  After winning the election tens of billions of dollars will be allocated to this wall.

However, since the Canadian threat in nonexistent, the wall will be made from corrugated cardboard covered with polyurethane. Thus it will cost only 1% of the allocated money.  The other 99% will go to Socialist dominated trade unions who will contribute a large portion back to the Democrat Party.  Thus Trump will be defeated, his voters will become Progressive voters and the Democrat Party will be able to outspend Republicans at a 10:1 ratio in future elections.  By this means we will finally be able to bring the Socialist utopia into being!

Some might ask why we are publishing this strategy given that it might tip-off Trump voters.  However, we have concluded that they don’t have the curiosity to seek out non-neo-Nazi / white supremacist web sites or the intellectual capacity to understand should they stumble into this information.


Oh great and wise high-priestess of Progressivism, lead our vanguard of the superior on to the Socialist Green Promised Land!

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